I could also go on and on about diet, and perhaps there I could make some adjustments, but you know what? I like eating cookies and chocolate, as well as having a beer or a mixed drink when I want one. My rigorous workouts allow me to indulge from time to time, and really the answer for me there is to simply not have it (junk food) around the house. That is easy enough, I have pretty good control when I’m at the grocery store. For diet though, I never go “on a diet”, I simply just try to be reasonable with my portions and try to keep the furnace stoked.

LIfe goals that mean something. While I was at church this morning, the words of my priest regarding resolutions made me think. The sort of goals I’d like to set for my life would be more spiritual. I want to be a better person, but that isn’t specific enough. What I really mean is that I want to be more kind to others, and not immediately think the worst of people, and if they somehow wrong me, not to simply retaliate. This is easier said than done. I don’t know how many times I’ve chastised myself for thinking or saying something about someone while driving, only to then turn around a few seconds later and do it again!! It’s crazy, and I know I’m doing it, but it just happens. I’m ultra-aware of when I’m being mean, nasty, or sarcastic, and at times it’s even funny, but it isn’t really a good way to be.

So, for my life goals it’ll be hard to really track how I’m doing, but as long as I’m thinking about my actions versus reacting all the time I’ll be on the right track. There are other goals I’d like to try, things such as keeping more in touch with friends and family. You’d think with all the various social networking tools, email, phones, etc. that it’d be easy, but I’m horrible at staying in touch. I’m lucky though, that most of my friends, and my family don’t seem to mind, but I really do need to improve in that area. My problem is that I’m so over saturated with daily interaction with people at work that I find it undesirable to be Mr. Social in the evenings.

My life goals seem simple, but they’ll really be a daily struggle for me, and most people won’t even know how hard they are for me. It isn’t easy be a good person, but maybe it isn’t supposed to be.

I like the way Dean Wesley Smith discusses goals on his blog. He further breaks down goals by pointing out what should seem obvious regarding goals you can’t control. Things such as: I’ll sell a book to a publisher. That is more of a dream than a goal. A goal is something more concrete (at least in my writing world), something like: I will write and submit 20 short stories this year.

Anyway, I’m going to post two more times on goals: Life goals and then writing goals.

I’ll only mention briefly that as a country, the United States is very blessed, and compared with most nations our ‘poverty’ is no where near what other countries deal with regularly.  In what other country do ‘poor’ people all have a car, a TV, a cell phone?  Not only do most people in this country have those things, but they often have more than one!  Now, can these people really afford those items? Probably not, but I blame them for having piss poor money management skills and a sense of entitlement.  Lord knows I don’t need most of the things I have, but you know what?  I learned my lessons with money a long time ago and when I buy something now you can be sure I can afford it.  I also blame relaxed credit lending and a too easy bankruptcy system.  They also skimp on necessities to buy sh*t they don’t need.  How many times do you see a home falling apart and an uncared for lawn in favor of a great (and more than likely leased) car in the driveway and multiple satellite dishes on the roof? Then you see them all talking on their brand new iPhones or Droids.  To hell with groceries and paying the bills, I need a gadget or a nice car because the jackasses living across the street have great stuff, but what I don’t know is that those seemingly in control people are also over extended and spending money on crap they don’t need.  Anyway, people need to learn their lessons, but back to the point, or points that I seem to be making…

Yes, this country has some very impoverished people, but taken as a whole there is no better country to be living in.

Now, back to me–I have much to be thankful for:  I have a wonderful wife, two sweet cats, a wonderful home and a great job–a job I might add that I’ll never lose unless I’m a complete moron.  There are days I would love to quit my job, but you know what? If I did that I wouldn’t even have enough time to do what I really love doing–writing.   My day job allows me the luxury of chasing after the dream of being a full time writer someday.  When will that someday be?  Well, it’ll either be once I start making Stephen King money (like that will happen) or it will be when I’m eligible to retire in another 10.5 years or so.  How old will I be in 10 years?  Well, I’ll be 52, not bad huh?  And you know what I’ll be doing?  Writing and collecting a nice pension with hopefully a rather large 401K since I contribute the maximum and also save quite a bit on the side.

I’m doing all this now so I can kick back later.  I think I can handle 10 more years of the day job, not to mention it gives me 10 more years to get the writing career kick started.  I’m thankful each and every day that I have a life that allows me to pursue my dreams, and that I’ve been able to realize nearly every dream I’ve tried for.  It’s been a lot of hard work, and I’ve put in a lot of time to get where I’m at in life, but I’m not so foolish to believe I did it all on my own.

I was raised to work hard and achieve.  My parents wanted nothing more for me than to chase my dreams.  They were there for me whether I failed or succeeded.  They were tough on me when I needed it and gave me excellent guidance.  I also had the privilege of knowing 3 out of 4 grandparents as well as two great grandmothers.  I learned so much from them and was pretty close with all of them.  I’m very lucky to have known them, and that they all lived to see me reach adulthood.

I’m also not so foolish to think that everything I have couldn’t be taken away from me in an instant.  I don’t like to think about that, but things can happen.  One day you’re on top of the world, and the next you’re at rock bottom.  I think we’ve all been to rock bottom before, but it’s what you do when you’re there that counts.  I know that if I hit bad times I’d climb out.  Maybe it’d take time, but you know what? I’d climb out, and I’d succeed at whatever it was I put my mind to.

I’m also thankful for the many people that I’ve come to know over the years.  There are simply too many to name, but each time I move, each job I have, I make friends that will be there for me until the end.  Do I stay in close touch with most of them? No, I don’t, but they know if they pick up the phone, or email that I’ll be there for them, and I know the same of them.

I’m also thankful to my parents for introducing me to God, and thankful to God for allowing me to live such a blessed life.

Every once in a while I think I know where a post is going, but I derail myself and end up spouting out quite a potpourri.  Anyway, I’m thankful.

There are two things in my life that, if I am unable to perform or take part in them on a daily basis, I become increasingly (one or more of the following things):  dick-ish, depressed, anxious, short, sarcastic, and probably a few other choice words. I know, if anyone who actually knows me reads this, they’ll say, so how is it different than how you are on a daily basis? Ha. Ha.

What are these activities?

1) Writing.  This I have to perform each day or I really become a jerk. Yes, I think about writing–plotting, characters, scenes, dialogue, etc. almost all the time.  And ideas?  Shoot, they are a constant flood.  What needs to get done each day is new words of fiction.  Word count? At least 500 words.  My most recent example of this was when we had family over and for three days straight did zero writing. I became detached and a little depressed. Finally, I had to back out of a trip they made to town so I could get in some quality writing time. While they were gone I managed to crank out 2,000 words–not bad, and I felt a lot better!

2)  Working out/exercise.  This doesn’t have to be every day, but if I allow it to go beyond one day off I start feeling gross and out of shape.  People at the day job always laugh when I tell them I got fat at one point in my life, but it’s true. I’m very comfortable between the weights of 145 – 155, but during my year of being overweight I bulked up to over 185 pounds.  I didn’t have a huge belly, but when I saw a photo of myself I realized right then I had a problem.  I’d always been slender, but in my mid to late twenties I let myself go a bit once my Navy stint was over and I wasn’t exercising and I ate really bad stuff.  Once I saw the problem, I fixed it and haven’t looked back.  I dropped all the weight and then some to become the (somewhat) average looking person I am today.

I hesitate to call writing and exercising addictions, since I feel that would be somewhat disrespectful to those who actually are addicts.  I kind of liken it to people who claim an allergy or some malady, but don’t truly have anything wrong with them.  Oh, I’m ADD, or I can’t have gluten (whatever the crap that is), etc., etc.  I could go on and on about this particular topic, but that has to be for another post I suppose.  Anyway…

Writing and exercise relieve stress and are very therapeutic.  Boy, I’ve written a few pieces that will never see the light of day because they disturb me, but did those pieces help get a few things out of my system? Yes. Did lifting weights and running for miles help drain stress? Yes.  I’ve also noticed that running is a great time for me to work out writing problems and roadblocks. I mentioned that in a much earlier post.

So, if I am to be addicted, in the every day sense, not the clinical sense, I could choose worse things than writing and working out.  In fact, I’ll probably get quite a bit of both done today being that it’s a day off from the day job, and it’s Thanksgiving!  I know that if I don’t work out that I will feel like a bloated out of shape monster later.  So P90X it is!

Anyway, have a great Thanksgiving!

Okay, so when I first meet people I tend to hang back and take things in, and learn my audience.  I have always thought this to be a wise approach, but when I start laying in the zingers and quick one-liners, people are always amazed.  It seems that I also take this approach to social networking online.  I’m not the type of person who spews forth everything I’m doing all the time.  If I don’t have anything to say, or I don’t think I have anything to add that is worthwhile, I don’t.  Some people post non-stop about what they’re doing, where they are, who they’re doing it with, etc.  I’m simply not like that.

If I post an update it’s usually in reaction to something I saw or read, something that has moved or touched me, or it’ll be some long overdue update on my life.  Once in a while I’ll even try to post something humorous.

As this is a life and writing blog, I shy away from politics, economy, and folderol of that nature.  I don’t think it serves me well to spout off my opinions on those topics.  If people are reading this they probably don’t care to read my opinions, or if they already know me well, then, I guess they already know my views on politics, etc.

I have stopped following blogs I really enjoyed because of the political bullshit they sling around.  I originally followed those blogs because I was interested in their lives and their writing. Go push your agenda somewhere else, or here is something:  go do something about it rather than just bitch online.

So, back to social networking (strange interlude complete).  I need a process, much as I have with writing.  Social networking for me is an afterthought.  My first thought is to write new words of fiction each day.  I mean, do people really care what I think or do on a daily basis? Probably not.  I often wonder how people who claim to be writers get any actual writing done other than blogging, tweeting, emailing, etc.

I work a full time job that consists of basically 12 hour days (commute time is included, 1 hour each way), 5 days a week. I get home, work out for an hour, clean up, eat, spend time with my wife, and then write the rest of the evening.  How many hours are there in a day?  Now, many other “writers” work full time jobs, but they also are quite prolific on the social networking front.  How do they do it?  Even if they were speedy writers, I find it hard to believe they write new fiction each day. What, 250 words maybe?  That is one page. Not bad, but not prolific. I keep veering off topic a bit, but my point remains, when it comes to social networking, I simply run out of steam for it.  The fact that I’m wasting so many words on this makes me wonder if my fiction writing today will suffer.

Now, if I were to tweet, Facebook, Google+, blog, email, update my website, etc. how much time would that consume? It would have to be two hours or so, and I simply don’t have that kind of time each day. Perhaps one day once I retire from the day job (about 10 years out) I’ll be able to tackle all this stuff, but for now sitting in the chair writing new words of fiction each day suits me just fine.  I’ll simply social network here and there, but probably more than I’ve done in the past.

Now it’s time to get some real writing done.

Well, it’s been a while since I’ve posted to the blog, but I’ve been updating my word counts daily on the main webpage. I’ve been working on another science fiction short story to enter into the Writers of the Future Contest. I submitted a story back in September for the same contest, and should be hearing within the next month whether or not my story has been chosen. I’m a little nervous, but I know that either way I’ll continue to learn the craft of writing, and improve with each story I write. For those who are not aware, this contest has been discovering new writers for over 25 years now, and is judged by well-known and respected names in the Science Fiction and Fantasy communities. To be a finalist in the competition opens quite a few doors, not to mention publication in an annual anthology.

Once I’m finished with the current short story, I’ll be working on the revisions for the Progeny novel. I completely rewrote the beginning a couple months back and I think it has provided some grit and immediacy to the entire story. I’ve learned that revising is difficult. It isn’t hard for me to chop off words, or make subtle changes.  The hard part for me is the macro editing: looking at the entire story and seeing how all the pieces fit, and if they’re all doing what they are supposed to be doing, as well as knowing when to add or subtract big pieces from the story.  I thought I’d be able to have the first revision to Progeny done by the New Year, but….

Life happens, and it has happened in good ways for me:

I got married to my long time girlfriend on November 1st, 2009 in Washington, D.C., which was an amazing event in my life. We then took a transatlantic voyage on the Queen Mary 2 from New York to England, and spent a few days in London. An incredible honeymoon, and an absolutely awesome way to begin our marriage.

The month leading up to the wedding was full of stress however, as our day job didn’t see fit to cooperate with our carefully laid plans for her to move down to Northern Virginia.  In the end it all worked out, but getting to that point was pure hell. So, with my personal life at an all time high, I’m poised now to enter a very creative phase, and I’ve even felt an itch to compose some music again, but we’ll see.  I don’t want other creative endeavors to take away from my writing, so the music just may need to take a back seat until a few things are completed.

So, now that my life has somewhat settled down again, I believe I can find the time to blog on a more regular basis!

Alistair

I found a nice place, close to where I live now, but overall I believe this is a nicer neighborhood. 

Despite the problems of last week I still managed to get some quality writing done on the book.  I finished a pivotal chapter that fought me every step of the way.  That chapter needed to be written and forced me to do some difficult things to my characters. 

That brings us to this week.

Monday night:  I’m happily BIC HOK TAM (butt-in-chair hands-on-keyboard typing-away-madly) for those not in the know, when at 11pm, I hear voices that sound as if they are right outside my townhouse.  Some neighbors that are close by have been known to throw some parties while hanging out in their driveway, but on Monday night, the racket was coming from a different place.

I decided to go to bed around 12am, but I hardly ever get to bed before then and I usually read before I go to sleep.  The noise level from these buffoons made it impossible for me to concentrate on the book I was reading.  I looked outside, and it definitely was not coming from my neighborhood; the apocolypse was coming from a different neighborhood!

Around 12:30am the police must have shown up, because it got very quiet all of the sudden, and I thought I’d have a respite.  Wrong.  About ten minutes later it started up again, and it sounded as if I was in the middle of some ritualistic sacrifice to Kong, punctuated by a scream—then a few seconds later, there was more yelling and hollering. 

I turned on the air conditioning and the TV for some homegrown noise (its funny isn’t it that if I’m responsible for the noise I can sleep through it), and I think I finally fell asleep around 3:30 am.  The alarm went off immediately, or so it seemed, and I was up at 5:55am.  I’m shocked I was able to make it through the whole day at work and then got some writing done once I got home! 

Tuesday:  I settle in for a night of writing and what do you know, right at 11pm the party starts up again.  This time I figure out where the noise is coming from.  Through the woods in the adjoining neighborhood, I see a bunch of people out on a deck yelling and screaming.  This wasn’t next door, the other neighborhood is separated by a lot of trees, and this house was probably about an 1/8 of a mile away from my townhouse.

I hop in my car and drive to the road this house sits on so I can get the address.  As I’m driving by, I can hear the savages (my windows were up).   I call the police and explain to the dispatcher the situation and how this is night #2 and they are just getting started and will probably go until 2am.  They send an officer, and at about midnight I see a light go out and the noise ceased.   Ahhhh.  It was still not a great night of sleep, but better than the previous night.

Wednesday night:  I go to bed early since I’m so exhausted from the other nights, and there was no party!  It felt so good to fall asleep, but when I woke up my neck would not bend to the right.  It hurts so bad right now.  I wish I knew why and how I could sleep in such a way that causes so much pain during my waking hours.  Damn!

Luckily, my day job didn’t have too many stressful or taxing moments this past week.  I will be getting out a little early today and do not have to go to work tomorrow!  I am planning on getting a nice jog in after work and then I’m going to settle in and write, write, write! 

Tomorrow I’ll be heading up to Pennsylvania to spend the 4th of July weekend with my girlfriend, so the writing time will be limited until Sunday evening.  It’ll be great to chill out and be with her though.  She’s been reading the chapters as I’ve been writing them providing me with advice, insight and all sorts of helpful suggestions. 

So….Thank goodness it’s thursday!

Alistair

I was told I have to vacate where I’m living, since the owner wants to move back into the residence.  My lease is up July 31st, but there was never an indication that this would happen.  In fact, I was led to believe I’d be able to stay there as long as I needed.  If I had known I could only stay there a year I would never have chosen this place.  Oh well.

So, I was down about that for a couple of days, and it still affects me.  A new place doesn’t bother me, it’s all the $ and planning and work that really makes me anxious.  I didn’t think I’d be dealing with this, so it’s a total shock to me.

Well, my writing suffered for it this week.  I may have put out 2 to 3 pages a day this week.  I’d feel much better if I were able to do anywhere from 6 to 10 pages a day.  I guess those weeks will happen when things just fall apart.

It’s hard trying to juggle a day job, working out, writing, and normal everyday responsibilities.  Throw in a curve ball like having to move and a little depression and it’s easy to lose motivation to write.  Maybe for some people those stressors would help them pump out some fine writing.  Not for me.  Creativity leaves me as if I were a sieve. 

Maybe I can make up for all of it this weekend and get a lot of writing done (of course I’ll be house hunting on Saturday). 

Alistair

Alistair